This post, to dive off of and back into tumbling universe.
Hello dear tumblring friends, it has been a quite long time since I have spoken from that place in the body where the very core of every human bean is… the gut-bulb.
It isn’t that I don’t try, I have written at least a dozen posts over the months they are sitting in drafts binary words rotting away. Post about all sorts of tings, always some sort of rambling about life, which for those that are familiar with my writing is a certain kind of ‘arrested development’ philosophy
I was thinking about it the other day, the very state of our world, how we are always in this flux of slow steady resting pace and sudden jolts of development. How the space inbetween those period grow closer and closer… or so I hope. Sure it does not feel like it all the time in this messed up world of violence and destruction. But things are about to change, they all already…
I am am back, for I realized that I have to be back here on tumblr.
I really miss just rambling to you all.
You see I stopped myself all those time because I tend to wonder why I should even bother. My rants get longer and longer, and I always go off topic, tangents are a part of my swirly path in life… So I ask myself, should I even post these long winded, sometime too lazy at the end to even conclude them fully. So I don’t. And then I continue to do so.
I remind myself, why not post it, it is your blog after all, folks be posting randomer and more personal things, why bother. I respond to self by just… well thinking I don’t bother and rebuttal that I should just write it in my journal instead and that way I can actually write whatever I want…
But you see, I feel compelled to share these things with you, I recognize that they are not just my worries, that in other forms and other ways these confusing thoughts arise in all. For all these little reason I stopped caring to write to you all, and in a way I stopped caring to write out loud in general and words got harder to play around with. You see I have been having this drought in writing for quite some time now…
THough some part of it is to do with how much my life has changed for the grander ! How a few months ago I found wicked friends and communities, and finally feel connected to this city and all the lovely people around me.
I used to dream of living a bohemian life, somewhat glamourized I know, but mixed with many truths of true activists and artists who lead the way of hippie life… I was told many times by many different folks that it was not realistic…
Now I just laugh and explain how very mistaken they are, that ‘hippies’, who are just natural human beans, grow everywhere and are the best to be around. My life has gotten so much happier and healthier… and my mind is finally not so bored, does not feel so limited, it’s been freed by free’scool.
Free’scool has become a space where learning is once again the focus as it is a very important part of building communities. How else are we, the people of whichever nation, none the less an animal, a living soul on this planet, that you have human rights. You, me, everyone has human rights that are not being upheld. If they were we wouldn’t have corporate entities controlling our very food and water, taking away our homes and invading our children’s imaginations on what is natural confusing them with twisted truth turned into toxic FOX news.
Tis no wonder more and more kids are “diagnosed” with depression when love has been turned into fairy tales, when the myth of one and only loves, that happiness involves strange power dynamics that have been manipulated to swing more towards the cocked pole in the “relationship”.
There was a time when everyone was loved in the tribe, village, the community for everyone had a place, a role, was loved for just being them.
Over the years, the decades, the centuries we have self reflected so intensely, that we have forced so much judgment, shame, blame, violence, we have come to believe absurd ideas like only people of opposite sexes can have sex, that blacks can only mate with blacks, whites only with whites, browns, yellows, in reds, and aqua greens - everyone with their own kind. That sex is a sin if there is any enjoyment involved - that sex is not meant to be fun.
What kind of absurd thinking is that?!
Clearly we have lost touch with our insides - that gutbulb. that core of us that is just feeling, just cells, that moment two different cells erupted together, exploded with chemistry to make more and more and can’t control the growth the evolution the revolution, the life that came from just those two coming together.
It is funny yet frightening how the more we as ‘civilization’ have focused on reason on inventing these amazing bigger than life creations the further from where we originated from we become. We lost sight of where our roots are buried in the earth.
And I know, I know, not everyone can live a ‘hippie’ ‘activist’ ‘homeless’ life - not everyone knows how to survive living outside this capitalist, fascist, neo-libaralist, sexists, unrealistics, whateveryouwannacallist systems put in place so that only a few succeed while the rest slowly lose their rights, their touch with nature, the knowledge of what fresh food and water taste like, what family looks like, what it feels like to be part of a community - to feel love and have healthy relationships with those around you…
No not everyone is a ‘hippie’, but we are all humans, and there are so many things that as humans we are not given freely.
Our mainstream media is a wasteland of ‘reality’ tv and tabloid online blogs, of critics, of look a likes and scandals and over-doses. Or war and rape and news told as if story, but they never truly tell us what is going on. What it all means. We are never told what we can do about it… We are not truly given any knowledge to work with, to build better connections with so that war becomes obsolete, so that drugs are not abused and sex is a sacred act of mutual attraction… That spirituality is whatever anyone believes and not a cult dedicated to false prophecies. That education is not forced in small classrooms in cramped uncomfortable desks and chairs facing a boring lecture on just a segment of history as you forget where your ancestors actually came from.
So this summer has been a wild journey, well my whole life is a journey really, but the last four months, since about the time Mercury was in retrograde and Venus’s popped out her bright light, life has a whole lot more meaning. A whole lot more inspiration and love and beauty.
Writing and being the force in the world that I want to be is still an everyday challenge. Lately I haven’t written much in terms of stories, philosophies, scripts, poetry - not much but mind maps and brain storming for free’scool…
I got this whole new job that I create as I go along, working with a fine group of wonderful people, and more closely with a few other strong beautiful ladies like myself. It is nice to be surrounded by family by community.
Our community is not perfect, there is so much work to be done.
And like love, there is no such thing as ONE community. As we talked about yesterday in our Community Resilience class (every Sunday we have classes in the park) we all spoke of how there are different kinds of communities. Communities of geographic area, communities of interest, and communities of purpose.
I live in Toronto, a community that is super fragmented. Everyone has their own little group of people and is disconnected to everything else that is going on in this great big multicultural community. TO is huge, has the most diverse people than anywhere else, and so it has become a place where one can get lost, sucked into a pigeon hole of culture, not recognizing that there are all these other cultures and view points to learn about.
I live in a world of stories. I love stories. I love listening to people tell their stories, I love sharing my own and the ones I have collected. I love learning and thinking, of philosophy and most of all I love imagining and recreating stories. Of writing and filming, of radio and television when done right. I love characters and relationships explored through art forms. The communities of interest I have with my friends - old and new, strangers around the corner and dear friends far away. Sometimes we are made to feel silly for being interested in the things that we are. We feel different, like some outsider. But I have found that no one is alone in their interest. There are others out there. The invention of the internet has really brought that home to us. That is pretty damn cool. Remember never feel bad about what make you laugh, what inspires you or just catches your eye.
I have always been around activism, always around people who are responsible humans. Someone said it the other day at our first healing circle at scool - where we came together to talk about some internal conflict between some fellow scoolers so we could communicate the tensions that arose and extinguish them - on the topic of responsibly someone said that she likes to think of it asresponseandability, knowing how/when to respond to situations with the right/our abilities… We all have our own abilities, and must understand that and that everyone responses differently, but that responsibility to self determination and to humanity is to not be afraid to be. Be your awesome human bean and get together with other beans and build communities, oppress or be oppressed, respect and empower through knowledge, peace, and love.
- to share words soon, I don’t think I really completed what I was trying to say in this post, I just love you all and wanted to share that I am excited to tumble again for I got lots of knowledge and stories to share… Oh the experiences I have learned from, the souls that have mingled with my own and the moon and the stars.
tata and good night sweet beans!